Wednesday, December 2
death of the pulse, or death of the heart. is there much difference?sidrah at 10:16 PM
Sunday, November 22
"i wish you never looked at me that way"oh, how i wish you didn't
smile back the way you do
my heart pitter-patters
like summer feet on cold marble
i light up
like the veins of bougainvillea 'neath a baked sun
i soar
like a loose leaf in autumn fall
keep those subtle smiles
to yourself
those dancing smirks
that tousled hair
that lime scent
away from me,
out of reach
and not like this
this silly rumble of a pop song
that fades in
like a movie scene
when you enter stage
sidrah at 1:03 AM
Saturday, November 14
still mourning marat safin.sidrah at 2:33 PM
Friday, November 6
ditching today's class? best decision ever.the rents gathered round and railed off tales of ancient Haque-lore. i just spent the last two hours tracing my genealogy, and finding and loving the Haques even more.
grandfather fought at razmak, instructed at the bala hisar fort, and would scribble poetry on the walls in his crazed grief. great-grandfather woed the maharani he was private secretary to in jalandar whom he later had an affair with, while our home in sargodha was crammed full of sikh treasures that the subsequent generation squandered away.
one haque worked in the film industry pre-partition and escaped the end of a sardar's sword by jumping into a river. he then survived by teaming with a disabled tailor who worked to pay their way to safety.
atleast one of my ancestors has died in a lightening strike.
and than there's a distant cousin who had an eight-month stint in lahore as a pir.
sidrah at 10:08 PM
Tuesday, November 3
i believe man was built in his limited capability, because the bare reality of the horrors of the world would drive him out of his mind.every figure in every casualty count has a face, and a body, and a family. they have dreams, and likes, and dislikes, and habit,s and abilities, and history.
for all the sanitized blood and gore that makes it through the television screens, in all the havoc and noise and news flash scenarios - we forget the bigger picture.
human beings shouldn't ever be a death toll.
lahore is less wild and free this autumn, and more a prison. security guards, policemen, barricades, checkpoints, and the steel glint off of police vehicles greet your mornings, evenings and afternoons. the banks of the canal i so blissfully traipsed just a few years ago, are now a well-armored war zone.
good news is a distant memory. everything is different and ruined.
sidrah at 10:33 PM
Saturday, October 17
a slow-motion morning, basking away in the sun.sometimes, happiness is the end of summer, remembering the best endings of your favorite books, to the tunes of a forgotten favorite song. sometimes, happiness really is this easy.
sidrah at 10:33 AM
Thursday, October 8
a day of pungency.another ideal traded in for dusty reality. i hate the growing pains of having to deal. 36 hours of too much work and too little rest. woke up with a wonked eye that refused to open. oh well, atleast B noticed and asked. fair trade, i say.
i wake up early tomorrow to head off to a convocation rehearsal. can't wait for the multiple layers of security and red-tape. but as i flick off flint from my oversized gown and too-large cap and tussle over "hair up or down?", i look into the black hole that is the future, and am, for the first time i can remember, very scared.
sidrah at 9:54 PM
